


Let Loss Reveal It

by Jenatte



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, EMT Ian Gallagher, Fluff, Gallagher siblings are mentioned too, M/M, Mickey is a softie, Monica and Terry are only mentioned, Post S11, They are communicating!!, very brief suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:27:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenatte/pseuds/Jenatte
Summary: Ian gives Mickey a secret. They end up talking about feelings.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 6
Kudos: 104





	Let Loss Reveal It

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Florance + The Machine's St. Jude. Also there's a very brief mention of Monica's attempt suicide. Enjoy!

"Can I give you a secret?" Ian whispered, voice filled with emotion.

Had his voice not been this emotional, Mickey would fuck with him. Give him a sarcastic, playful answer but he knows this tone. Also, they were _communicating_ now, instead of shutting one another off or punch the other in the eye.

And, yes Mickey saw this coming. Since Ian came home from his shift at the station, he was acting like someone kicked his dog. Although he didn't call on his husband’s weird behavior at the table, because his in-laws are nosy fuckers, he was not blind. Instead he opted to wait until they were alone so Ian could say whatever was bugging the hell outta him. They were in their bed, Mickey playing with his phone, Ian watching him play with his head on his husband's shoulder.

"Lay it on me, firecrotch." he answered, voice still light, still on the edge of being playful.

"I miss mom."

And, fuck, Mickey did not see _that_ coming. He thought one of Ian's patients were dead and not this. He knew the relationship between Ian and Monica was complicated even before his diagnosis. It only got more fucked up afterwards. Monica managed to make Ian believe the meds are not any good. That people should love him without the meds. She caused so many problems and heartache for him, for both of them. Ian hated Monica the most when she was alive, but he also mourned her the hardest out of all his siblings. Lip never mentioned her without swearing, Debbie and Carl were young when she left but they remember her and how she deserted them over and over again. Liam did not even get to know Monica. Thankfully.

He realizes Ian tensing next to him, lifting his face to look at him. He must have stayed silent way too long. Mickey did want to say something nice, but it was _Monica_ they were talking about and if he is honest, he was glad the bitch was six feet under. He closed his mouth, and looked into Ian's eyes, wanting him to understand his perspective too.

"I know." Ian groaned. "I know it does not make any fucking sense. I know how she treated us. How she treated me. It was a shit show. I remember the Thanksgiving when she slit her wrists when we were in the next room eating. I remember her telling me we are not to be fixed. She was called Hurricane Monica for a reason." he laughed bitterly. "But - but she was my mom, Mick."

Yeah, he did know. He knows the feeling all too well. He remembers Laura, how she tried to make his childhood as good as possible with Terry breathing down their necks. How she ran away when he was 16. He does not blame her, really. He cannot possibly blame someone who manages to get away from Terry, after all. But Monica was a whole new level of fucked up. He remembers the Thanksgiving Ian mentioned. It was shortly after they started fucking. Ian came to his house like the dumbfuck he is, said he needed to see him. Almost a decade later, he has the same desperate, sad tone when he talks about Monica. And now, he knows he should keep his mouth shut so Ian could get it off his chest. So, instead of speaking and possibly fucking it up, he reached for Ian's hand.

"You know when Lip and I got DNA tests, right?" Ian asked while playing with Mickey's wedding ring. "We joked about genes. Shit like who got the gay gene or even better the dummy gene. Guess I hit jackpot with both, huh?" he chuckled.

"You know you are allowed to miss your mom Ian." he said softly. Hoping it would help him feel less guilty about missing her. "I ain't denying she was fucked up. But I know you loved her. You still love her, she is your mom. It's okay to mourn her."

"I know. It just does not stop me from feeling guilty." he shrugged like it was not a big issue.

"Hey, look now." Mickey said, his voice still soft but firm. "She fucked all of you. Again and again, throughout your whole life. Hell, she even managed to fuck _us_ over. But, Monica was your mother. You are allowed to miss her or fucking mourn her all you want. No matter what your siblings feel or think about her. Fuck them. It ain't about them. It's about you."

Ian did not respond immediately. Mickey could hear the gears turning in his head if he tried. He knew Ian was trying to come to term with the idea of missing Monica of all people without the guilt. Mickey waited patiently, watching Ian playing with his fingers. When he looked up finally he had a small smile in his face.

"Can we maybe visit her? You don't have to if you don't want to. But it just been too long since I last visited her grave. The last time we also had to dig her out so." he chuckled again with humor behind it this time.

"You dig her - what? The fuck would you do that?" Mickey asked. He had seen and done a lot of bad and unethical stuff but digging your mother out of grave was really fucked up. Even for him. Ian just looked at him and laughed this time. Too amused to see the confusion in Mickey's face.

"Tale for another time." he answered finally. "So, can we?"

"Jesus fuckin' Christ. Yeah, okay we can." he replied with a dramatic eye roll. And, if Mickey had to go to a fucking graveyard to make his husband happy, then he sure will. It was worth to see the smile on Ian's face. He leaned on for a goodnight kiss and settled against Mickey's shoulder again. This time for sleeping. Just after Mickey settled too he heard his whisper again, "Thanks Mick, love you." Smiling against Ian's hair, he planted a little kiss to his head. Thinking about what kind of a family he married into. Who the fuck would dig their deceased mothers grave? But after all, he would marry Ian again in a heartbeat.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first ever fic! I'm happy but anxious. Also, English is not my first language. Please let me know if there are any mistakes. Thanks for reading!


End file.
